Thursday, July 3, 2008

Happy 4th of July!

Independence Day! America's birthday! Yay! I love this holiday so much. I am an American history nerd as well as a president nerd. The two go hand in hand. We celebrate today the bold steps taken in declaring ourselves a sovereign nation free from the shackles of British Imperial tyranny. Actually there is a lot more to it than that, but it was bold. We were sticking it to the man. And the man just happened to be the world's strongest power, while we were nothing but a rag tag bunch of colonial farmers and craftsmen, with a bunch of rich guys leading us into the jaws of certain doom. The declaration at the time was not a patriotic act. We were all British citizens. It was an act of rebellion, it was treason. But it worked damnit, and I love the United States of America.

We brought forth a new nation. A nation that held true the principles of the Enlightenment. It was a first, it was unique, and it helped set the tone for the nature of politics henceforth. No matter what you think of America today, our founding was and is a momentous occasion in the history of government.

To all my friends from the UK, hey, don't fret babies, Americas rebellion was just growing pains for our english speaking family, and today we are good friends once again. We love the english for their awesome New Wave music and Doctor Who, but for much much more. My next post will address that in detail (besides you got us back when you burned down the White House during the War of 1812), but for now I want to celebrate the old pagan summer holiday the way Americans have for 232 years--by drinking excessively and blowing shit up!

When I was a kid in South Dakota I was given my first bag of fireworks by my dad. I was 7 years old. We blew shit up for America and it was so much fun. It was still the 70's and we would use one of our mom's cigarettes to light the fuses. They worked better than punks. I can remember my 9 year old brother asking my half drunk mom for another cigarette. She was tired of lighting them for us, so she just told him to light them himself. I have a clear image in my mind of my brother with a smoke in his mouth trying to awkwardly light it. Some people who didn't grow up around fireworks fear them. I am sorry for that, and I'm sorry for all the dumbass kids who got hurt playing with fireworks, but not that sorry because it was you idiots that made it so I have to drive across state lines and break the law to celebrate my nations independence in the manner seen fit by the great John Adams.

Among the prices of freedom is responsibility. My drunk 70's parents knew we wouldn't get hurt, because they told us not to. Simple as that. I've blown up a lot of shit for America over the years, but I always explode my incendiary treats with respect. Sure there have been some misguided bottle rocket wars, a few minor burns, but that is all paying honor to the great men and women who have fought to keep us free all these years. To the veterans of the United States of America, I salute you. To the men and women now fighting, I will openly break state laws to show my love and respect for this great country of ours.


belsum said...

U. S. A. !!

Superbadfriend said...


Did you catch Jimmy Carter on the Paula Deen cooking show?

He is so cute.