Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Date Night

So me and mama B are finally gonna go out on a date. We are calling in a long standing offer from Kirk's godfather. So Kirkie is gonna go to "uncle" Michael's house while mommy and daddy go to a sit down restaurant experience without having to yell at someone for tipping out all the salt and screaming when he gets bored. Don't get me wrong, I love going out with the boy, it's just nice not to have to do continuous daddy patrol. We can sit and eat and talk like grownups for a change. MMM. Sounds delightful.

Kirk loves his goddad. Michael is the singer in my band and a close friend. Michael's wife will be out with her friends tomorrow so it will be just the boys. At first we thought they could watch Depeche Mode videos together, but Michael asked to have Kirk show him the movie Cars, which he has never seen. I told Kirk this and he was a little suspect of someone not having seen Cars. But then he got excited at the prospect of initiating someone into the world that is Cars. So tomorrow Kirk will take his Cars DVD, and a bucket of Cars toys to Michael's house and teach him about it.

Michael is a vegetarian. Kirk eats, well, mostly peanut butter sandwiches, cereal, carrots, and fruit. And candy if you ask him. They'll be fine. I don't care what they eat. It's not my job tomorrow. It's godfather time.

Kirk is fully potty trained when it comes to peeing. I'm not sure how well he'll pee in the potty without us, but we'll bring his potty ring with so he can show uncle Michael how cool he is peeing in the potty by himself. Again I don't care how they work it out. I can't be there forever. But still I hope my Kirkie can be all growed up around his godfather. It's a big step, and a necessary one. Kirk needs to be able to live without us or his daycare lady if he is to go to school and be a regular human and stuff.

I think this will be a win win win situation. We get to have a night out alone. Michael gets to spend some time with his godson and get a glimpse at his future as a parent, and Kirk gets to hang out with his cool godfather and show off what a big boy he is. For michael the worst case scenario I can see is that Kirk will pee a little off the potty. Easily cleaned, but he will then freak out on his failure and cry a lot and be a dick. No worse than dealing with me when I'm drunk. And Michael has done that plenty.

Monday, November 10, 2008

It's a Girl!....Probably

We had our ultrasound and we saw a very healthy baby, and the "gender appears female". Of course this is not always 100%. If you don't see a penis, it doesn't always mean it's not there. People have thought they were having a girl, painted a pink room, spent tons on cute dresses, only to be surprised at the actual birth. But our whole family has had strong "girl vibes" all along the way. Kirk always uses the pronouns her and she when referring to the baby inside mommy's tummy. Though he still says he wants a brother.

This ultrasound was amazing, we saw her move her mouth and her fingers and her arms and legs. Squirmy little thing. Like her old man. With Kirk we didn't really see movement, although we did see a clear shot of his penis and balls. I'm still very confident it's a girl and I couldn't be more thrilled. One of each is even steven. I like that. My brother also has one of each, so we are keeping it consistent and giving my parents two of each flavor of grandchildren. (A girl tips the balance towards girls on her mothers side). I can't wait to be the daddy of a daughter. I never had a sister, so I love the idea of having another female in my family. I can't wait to put her in cute little dresses and put ribbons in her hair and all those girly things. Her brother is all boy, so I imagine she will be a tough little tomboy of a kid too. And I can polish my shotguns just waiting for some guy to try to pick her up for a date in a van.

I'm gonna be a daddy again! Yay!

I have to admit this second child thing has made me feel odd. I have not had as much of the excitement and magic that I felt with the first one, until now. Now that I have seen her move, it feels more real. I'm ready to give full unconditional love to another and it feels divine.

We are thinking of naming her Veronica. We will call her Ronnie. My dad's name is Ronald and it is my middle name as well. Little Ronnie Hill will be the coolest person on the face of the earth just like Kirk Hill is. Also she and her mother will each enjoy having Elvis Costello songs named for them. (My wife's name is Belsum BTW, I'm sure you all know the Elvis Costello song titled Belsum) And I will continually say to her, "just like Ronnie said, be my little baby."

And she will love me forever because I'm her daddy and I'm practically awesome. And she will snuggle me long after Kirk thinks it's lame to hug his dad. Okay kids you may notice I'm a little giddy with this post. Hee.

So my brother and I were talking about how we both have contributed females to this new generation of Hills. Females have been in short supply for quite some time. My dad had a sister, but both he and his brother produced sets of boys. My aunt never had childrens so our entire generation is all boys. We are the Hillboys and we have grown to love it. We get together during non-holiday times to celebrate our Hillboyness together. But now there are going to be two fresh Hill girls in the mix. We just love it.

Oh yes, children! I will soon have child-ren. Not just child. I love that too. I can now talk about my kids in the plural.

I could go on forever, but let me just say that I am extremely happy that our kick ass Nordic genes have produced a healthy baby, and that this new baby will soon join a family full of love. And she will be loved, very much, even if it turns out that she's a boy.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Making Gargamel proud

Smurf stew with potatoes, carrots, and onions, along with smurf broth and seasonings.
. 2 to 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
. 2 pounds lean de-boned stewing smurfs*, cut in 1-inch cubes
. 2 teaspoons salt
. 1 bay leaf
. 1/4 teaspoon dried leaf thyme, crushed
. 1 can (10 1/2 ounces) condensed smurf broth
. 3 1/4 cups water, divided
. 4 medium carrots, sliced
. 2 medium potatoes, cubed
. 12 small white onions
. 1/4 cup cornstarch
In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium heat. Add smurfs; brown well on all sides. Add salt, bay leaf, and thyme, along with the condensed smurf broth and 3 cups of the water.
Cover and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 1 1/2 hours. Add carrots, potatoes, and onions; simmer for about 30 minutes longer, or until vegetables are tender. Combine cornstarch and remaining 1/4 cup of water; stir until smooth. Stir cornstarch mixture into the stew. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Boil for 1 minutes. Serves 6.

*It takes about 12 de-boned smurfs to yield a pound of smurf meat. For best results I recommend free range smurfs. You can find these at your local co-op. They cost a little more but it’s worth it.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Concession Speech

My fellow Americans I would like to first thank you for not electing John McCain because that guy seriously creeps me out. Then I would like to congratulate president-elect Barak Obama. I wish him all the best in the trying times we now face, and I don't envy his position at all. It is a difficult road ahead and president-elect Obama will have to meet these challenges without the aid of alien technology. That being said I would like to say this to you America. You dumb mother-fuckers! You blew it. You had the chance to vote for me and exploit alien technology, bring about the end of all war on earth, and ensure the promise of future colonies in space. But that's okay. Just remember to vote for me in 2012.

Things will be fine. I know this because I have been temporally scanned by a future alien invasion force while being imprisoned on their mothership. I have seen the future. I can't tell you much about future events but I can tell you a little. I will become president in 2012 and I will have the endorsement of Cyborg Obama. Cyborg Obama will not run for re-election because he will take on a leadership role in the founding of the first Terran Empire. I can't say why or how he becomes part machine, but suffice it to say Obama is never the same after his accident during the Battle of Beverly Hills. We will eventually reign victorious over this alien invasion but not without great sacrifice.

I promise to you that Cyborg Obama and I will work together to bring about human prosperity. Our time together in that alien prison in which I too become part cybernetic will bring us together as allies.

Thank you.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


I am a misfit. In my home town and in my family I am certainly out of tune, but also in my circle of friends in my chosen city. I am a little off kilter everywhere. Misfits have a place in society and apparently many of them seek the wonderful world of advertising. So here I reside, trying my best to make a career in a world dominated by other misfits. My good friend Jen who is an advertising copywriter told me that it is the only straight job freaks like us can do. I hope she is right, and that I can do it. Because if I strike out at Misfit Academy I might have to become a dentist.