Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Concession Speech

My fellow Americans I would like to first thank you for not electing John McCain because that guy seriously creeps me out. Then I would like to congratulate president-elect Barak Obama. I wish him all the best in the trying times we now face, and I don't envy his position at all. It is a difficult road ahead and president-elect Obama will have to meet these challenges without the aid of alien technology. That being said I would like to say this to you America. You dumb mother-fuckers! You blew it. You had the chance to vote for me and exploit alien technology, bring about the end of all war on earth, and ensure the promise of future colonies in space. But that's okay. Just remember to vote for me in 2012.

Things will be fine. I know this because I have been temporally scanned by a future alien invasion force while being imprisoned on their mothership. I have seen the future. I can't tell you much about future events but I can tell you a little. I will become president in 2012 and I will have the endorsement of Cyborg Obama. Cyborg Obama will not run for re-election because he will take on a leadership role in the founding of the first Terran Empire. I can't say why or how he becomes part machine, but suffice it to say Obama is never the same after his accident during the Battle of Beverly Hills. We will eventually reign victorious over this alien invasion but not without great sacrifice.

I promise to you that Cyborg Obama and I will work together to bring about human prosperity. Our time together in that alien prison in which I too become part cybernetic will bring us together as allies.

Thank you.


belsum said...

Hey, it's not my fault. I voted for you.

And wasn't it the Battle of Detroit? Timeline must've been changed. Pesky continuity.

Superbadfriend said...

I wrote you in on my ballot....seriously.

Plus, 2012 is the end of the free world. The Aliens are coming to reclaim Gai and us along with it.