Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Anglo-American entente

I first became aware of the concept of Anglo-American entente when I was reading the biography of President William McKinley. (President nerd alert!) McKinley was president during the end of the 19th century and into the beginning of the 20th century. Today we know that the UK or Great Britain are our bestest buddies, we fought with them in WWI, WWII, and hell we invaded Iraq together (it is rarely mentioned why they were so complicit in the invasion, but friends the troubles of Mesopotamia date back to the fall of the Ottoman Empire in the wake of The Great War, England knew this mess was theirs), but before Mckinley we were still sore over the American Revolution and the War of 1812. It wasn't until McKinley's time that all the border disputes between the US and Canada were firmly resolved and we could look upon the world together as english speaking nations with a common culture and become the friends we are.

I look upon the english speaking countries of the world as a family. I like to think that the British Empire is still alive and well, just under new management. Mother england has somewhat retired so now the elder child, the United States has taken on the job as CEO. Here's how it breaks down. Mother or Father England ran the company for years. Then the elder son, the American colonies rebelled. We said, "Fuck you Dad, I'll wear my hair how I want. You're not the boss of me!" So Father England put the smack down and we left home never to return. But in time we did return, after we grew up and cut our hair and became responsible squares in our own right. In time over a World War Christmas we hugged Father England and were prepared to run the family business.

Australia, the middle child, was busy yelling "oi" and beer bonging in college.

Canada, the youngest child, the weird kid. I mean whenever you see something American but "not quite right" it can be easily explained by being simply "Canadian." It's because of the Frenchness. The paternity of Canada may be in question you know. Anyway Canada spent a lot of years in the parents basement playing video games and drawing and shit. The kid is probably mildly autistic, which accounts for the lack of social skills, but brilliant. Suddenly, in recent times Canada is starting to come out of his shell, and is producing great things. If Australia sobers up and takes over the family business from a pill popping weary middle aged United States, Canada will be fine living on it's own.

Then there is the adopted child. India. It's not really talked about much. Embarrassing history and all. But India too is rising to power.

Okay. Let the hate comments pour in. I'm ready.


belsum said...

I don't see why anyone would hate this. Besides being hysterically funny, it's true!!

Superbadfriend said...

OMG, this is the best thing I have read this week on the internets. What a very funny and real perspective on how we came to be.

Also, what a genius concept, to make each nation a character that people can relate to. I think you are onto something here.

Anonymous said...

Poor McKinley rarely gets any props. He's buried in my hometown; I even went to McKinley Senior High. But even there in Canton they don't talk about him much. They tore down the house he conducted his front-porch campaign from. Unforgiveable. But the house his wife grew up in is now the National First Ladies' Library, which is kind of cool.

Chris Hill said...

You know McKinley used to get props. Now Teddy Roosevelt gets all his props. Mckinley ruled! He was on the 500 dollar bill you know.