potty mouth

Kirk has a sense of humor. I'm glad of that. I love to laugh, and I love comedy of all stripes. Comedy is my favorite escape so I am naturally quite pleased at this development in my child. His laughter is infectious too. We'll be trying to snuggle back to sleep after he has conned me into inviting him into our bed at 4 in the morning, and he'll start telling stories. It's hard to tell what he's saying with his milk sippy in his mouth, but he'll start to laugh at his own silliness. One time in particular he said something about a "muffin bottom". I asked him, "did you just say muffin bottom", and he started cracking up, and then I did too. Pretty soon we were like two teenagers at a sleep over all slap happy, laughing uncontrollably about the muffin bottom. Until the wife told us to shut up and go back to sleep. Then we were quiet for a minute just looking at each other with smiles on our faces trying to hold back the laughter, when suddenly one of us whispered "muffin bottom", and then it was all over and the hysterics resumed.
Later I asked where he came up with the term muffin bottom anyway, and discovered he simply ate muffins the day before at daycare and loved the concept. I tried to tell him about the Seinfeld episode where Elaine had a muffin top shop and couldn't even give away the bottoms to the homeless. He really didn't understand that at all, he never saw the episode, and he's like not really even three yet, still the boy knows from funny.

Lately his humor has revolved mainly among butts. He thinks it is hilarious to call everything a butt. He makes me sing happy birthday as happy butt butt. I ask him if he wants to eat fishsticks, and he says he wants to eat fishbutts, and then he giggles. Now I know you are probably thinking he got this from me, and sure I have the knack for potty humor as well, but I usually work in the medium of poops or farts. Kirk will branch into poops and farts certainly, but his primary bit is butts. He comes up with this stuff on his own as if he were some sort of fully fledged big brained homo-sapien or something. Weird. It's gotten ridiculous. The word butt is coming out of his mouth all the time. The sun is a big bright butt, we drive a butt car, Thomas the train is a butt engine, and on and on. I don't mean to laugh all the time, but I can't help it sometimes.

Kirk has an imaginary band called Steggy Steggy, and they practice and have gigs and stuff, and his kitties are in the band (he says I'm the bass player,but I always tell him I'm just filling in until he gets a new bass player, I have my own band and don't have time for another). They have a new song. It's called Butt Butt Butt.

Tonight I decided to talk to him about spirituality. I asked him if he heard of god. I just want to get him started in my particular brand of brainwashing that is the right of all parents. I was trying to tell him simply that god is the love that I feel for him and his mommy, and the love he feels for us. God is love, basic stuff. He looked at me, smiled, put his nose against mine and said, "god is butt." He's a goddamn zen master that one.

I am a first class swearer. I come from a long line of professional swearers. My dad swore a blue streak all the time when I was a kid. I heard it all. I do try to censor myself around my child, but when I'm telling a story sometimes the profanities slide through. I'm surprised he hasn't picked up any real curse words. My friend's 3 year old actually once said, "change my fucking diaper." She told me she was both shocked and appalled, yet a little proud of the correct usage. That incident did lead however to a more rigorous potty training regimen. I'm a little embarrassed at Kirk's butt talk, but considering who his father is, I think he's right on track. Butt!