Thursday, August 7, 2008

Chris Hill for President!

I usually don't use this forum to further my own political aspirations, but with the conventions drawing near and my current status as an unemployed individual, I find it is time for me to rally a little bit for the cause of freedom. Many of you might not know that I am running as the Space Party candidate for President of the United States of America. This is purely a write in campaign, so if I win, it will really show what a bunch of narrow minded douchebags my opponents are. Yes I will go on the record and state that I think Senators Obama and McCain are both complete douchebags. It's time someone brought honesty back to politics. How many candidates have wanted to call their oppponent a douchebag but their "advisors" told them not too? I bet it's a lot.

What I want to accomplish right now is to differentiante myself from the other two candidates. First of all I want to come out and openly condemn the practice of drowning kittens and puppies. I AM THE ONLY CANDIDATE AGAINST THE DROWNING OF KITTENS AND PUPPIES. Why do you hate animals so much Senators McCain and Obama? What did animals ever do to you?

I am also strongly opposed to cancer. I am the only candidate who has spoken out against cancer. I think cancer is bad. Why don't you think cancer is bad Senators? Hmmm? If you don't think cancer is bad, you must think cancer is good. Well I just have to say that the fact that SENATORS JOHN MCCAIN AND BARAK OBAMA ARE TRYING TO GIVE ALL AMERICANS DEADLY CANCER, is appaling, evil, and should preclude them from holding public office. Why isn't the media covering this? It seems like pretty big news to me.

Why has no other candidte come forward in support of happiness? I am an ardent supporter of happiness! I guess those other two elistist fat cat career politicians want to keep the rest of us unhappy so they can claim to try to help us through our tough lives. They just want their cushy government jobs, and thier power. Okay I have to say, I too want a cushy government job and power, but hey I'm openly admitting it.

I think it's time the American people stood up to the machine mentality of major party politics, and voted with the conviction of their very hearts and souls. I say it's time to step up and put a true maveric, a true spokesperson of change into a cushy government job. It's time to vote for Chris Hill America, and I'm not just saying that because I am Chris Hill, I'm also saying it because it's the right thing to do.

I'm Chris Hill and I approve this message.


scottish-vixen said...

Well, I'd vote for you.

Unfortanately, I'm not an American. So I'll give you the blessing and support of Scotland instead.

FEZ BEAR said...

What is your stance on cat juggling?

Chris Hill said...

hey with the support of the Scottish behind me how could I lose? I just hope you're willing to give me sanctuary when they run me out of this country.

Chris Hill said...

I'll have to consult with my focus groups and get back to you on the cat juggling, but from what my friend Navin R. Johnson has told me I'm pretty certain I will be standing against it.

belsum said...

Navin is a Jerk. He's probably voting for John McClane like Steve Zahn.

Jon Hunt said...

How come you didnt' mention your plan to terraform Mars? That seems like a KEY PLATFORM INITIATIVE, my friend, and I think our voters -- all of them interested in prime martian real estate -- would be interested to know where you stand.

Superbadfriend said...

Is the Scottish-Vixen a dude or chick? Heh, who cares. Even their accent in print is soooo seeexy!

Chris Hill for President!

Jon, I for one am with you. My Enquiring mind would like to know.

Mr. Hill. Where do you stand on the booming sales of Carbon Credits?

Chris Hill said...

Jon, as the vice presidential candidate for the Space Party, you already know of our plans to terraform Mars, and to build generation ships to send into deep space. I guess a full description of the Space Party platform is due. It will come this week.

Superbadfriend you need to know that "carbon credits" is a nice shell game that we provide to let some industries pollute more than they should. Under my administration we won't need fake solutions like carbon credits, because real alternative sources of energy will be made available to the world. Many of these sources already exist, and the difference will be made up by the alien technologies that I will release upon entering office.