Friday, June 4, 2010

Hipster, poser,or lazy slob?

When you look at me you will see a 37 year old dad with messy hair, an unshaven face, worn out checkered Vans, and an argyle cardigan. The thing about my look is I never really tried to cultivate it, it just sort of happened. Don't get me wrong, I'm as vain as the next douche walking down the street. I have tried in the past, very unsuccessfully, to create a "look" for myself, but in the end I just got lazy and fell into what feels right for me. Which is cool I guess. The problem is that currently my look is considered to be contrived hipster. I don't mind being mistaken for a hipster, but I do mind being mistaken for a poser.

Lets break this down shall we? I have been snugly cardiganed for my entire adult life. I live in a cold climate. I like cardigans. It's as simple as that.

Next there is my messy hair. I tried forever in my life not to have messy hair. Then I got tired of it. Suddenly my failure to use a comb becomes the fashion forward look. (I said suddenly, but the messy hair thing has been going on for some time now. I'm old, remember?)

My stubble is not me trying to show my gritty side. My beard is merely the result of my baby face. For years I could not grow a decent beard if I tried. When I was younger, this bothered me a lot, gave my insecurity, made it hard to sneak into clubs underage, etc. But eventually, somewhere in my 30's my beard began to sprout. The thing is, I was used to shaving once a fortnight. That kind of habit is hard to break. I still shave as often as I have my entire adult life. Only now, I look like Don Johnson or something. (Kids, you can Wiki Don Johnson if you need to. I wore a jacket like his to class pictures in 9th grade. One of my only true regrets in life.)

Then there are the old checkered Vans. I have to admit, I bought my first Vans in 2001 so I could be like Spicoli. I used to see older kids wearing them in the 80's and I thought they were so cool. In 2001 it was hard to find them. I looked all over hell, and once I had them, they were suddenly everywhere. This happens to me a lot. I choose a fashion accessory, have a hard time finding it, and within the year it is in Target. I think I'm being followed by the big brother of fashion or something. I have worn the Vans since 2001. I wear them out and buy a fresh pair every 9 months or so. They get very worn looking, and people often remark how awesome it is that I still have vintage Vans from the 80's.

So my current look is poser hipster. Oh well, in 5 years trends will change and I'll still be doing what I do. Fashion trends tend to come and go and sometimes I look withit, gear, fab, and other times I look like a lame asshole. But the timing for my current hipster look is good. I am in school with people much younger than I and looking trendy helps me to blend in, until I start talking about breast pumps, poopy diapers, The Berenstain Bears, or the wonderful aspects of Goldfish crackers. Most people don't think I am as old as I am. I've always had the baby face too. It bothered me a lot back when I was 20, but now its a good thing.

There is one thing that always makes me look old. My pants are too wide. I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, wear skinny jeans. FUCK! Never. But someday the loose fit will come back too, and I'll be cool all over again. Of course by then all this grey hair will be a dead give-away. Oh well.


belsum said...

You do obsess on the Berenstein Bears an awful lot my dear.

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